Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
