i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
