Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
