dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
