whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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