I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
