I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
