I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
