Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
