R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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