Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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