kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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