how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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