watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
