And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she told me i tasted like america
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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