Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
