Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
