Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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