they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize