I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize