john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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