what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
