I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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