You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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