You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Less talking, more tequila
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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