Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
