Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
