just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
