I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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