Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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