you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
