I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
