we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
