Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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