My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
