I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
