i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
