last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dick very happy bro
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