Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
