i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize