i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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