we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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