dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Panties = found
Randomize