Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
