you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize