Im at strip club and am horny
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize