I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
