I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
