is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
