if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize