hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
