You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want a musical about memes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
