yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
