he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
