erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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