She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
