Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
