You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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