he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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