Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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