It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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