laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
