I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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