I got chris browned last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize