Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
