have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
