Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
