our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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