Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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