you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
