Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
