And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
