I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
