i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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