I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
