Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
