as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
