I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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