When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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