That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
