You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
