remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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