Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize