I could make wine with my vomit
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
