Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
